토플에세이 독립형 1

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토플에세이입니다 제가 토플공부할때 쓴거구요 원어민 선생님한테 첨삭받은 자료입니다

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Personally, I think that companies have the right to choose, wheather they dismiss or lay off their workers or not. But if I have to be on one side, based on the current issues in my country, I`ll cast a vote for the idea “business should hire their personnel`s whole life.”
A few years ago, there was an issue in Korea – “Fathers in the internet café”. After the IMF crisis, many companies were no longer able to hire employees. They had to cut down on necessary expenses by laying off or dismissing workers. Otherwise, most of the employees did not inform their family the truth that they were dismissed. They were just trying to hide the fact by loitering in the internet cafes. If their family knew that, they will be in disorder because almost all families in Korea rely on their fathers for cost of living. Some families walked away from each other, because family members could not overcome the financial problems. The current divorce rate in Korea shows this fact, compared to the time before the IMF crisis the divorce figures have skyrocketed.
Moreover, the loyalty from the personnel to the business dwindled. Since employees were not ensured for long-time-employment. Some staffs were trying to turn on their company by transferring to other business with its confidential information

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